A New Day

Halfway through January and I'm already concerned. 

That feeling of "what am I doing?" is beginning to seep into my daily worries. Do you get that feeling? Hopefully you know what I'm referring to, that feeling of worry that I'm not where I need to be in my life/career/parenting/health, you name it. I get all of those sometimes. I know what it is too, its nothing more than fear. 

Why does it keep doing this, how do I keep falling for its paralyzing trap? I don't have the answer to that. I also don't have the ability to fully articulate how to get past it, to get over it, to leave it completely in the dust. I want to be free from fear on the decisions I make or the moment that I'm in. 

This image does the actual event zero justice.

I was driving to pick my daughter up from the nanny the other day. I was in the car, it was surprisingly warm, so much so that I was able to drive with the windows cracked to let a pleasant breeze in. This is a huge change from the arctic temperatures we have been enduring for the past few weeks. The route I take brings you up a hill, that on clear days, when you reach the top you get an amazing view of the setting sun. This day was one of those amazingly clear days, I drove down the hill and took in a brilliant gold sunset with clouds that had a beautiful pink and purple glow. I couldn't look away and for the past week I've been thinking about that sunset and, aside from its splendor, the feelings that came with taking it in. I remember feeling so happy, so encouraged and at the same time so incredibly calm. Those feelings of fear and anxiety were gone for that moment. As the week went by I began to reflect more and more on that sunset and felt compelled to write down how I had been feeling and share it. In a way, I'm beginning to feel like the need to share it was in fact a way to expel it. I think by nature, many of us internalize these feelings. I know I'm the worst at internalizing but I'm ready to work to change that. 

The sunset I think presented itself when it did to show me the beautiful ending that it was. The closing of the day, preparing for the new day to come...